Ways to annoy the Espada :D
by Amy-chan337
Summary: So...You're in Hueco Mundo and you're incredibly bored. What do you do? Annoy the Espada of course! 10 ways give or take to annoy each member of the Espada ;  Lets hope you escape with your life!


**Ways to annoy the Espada! XD**

Aizen:

1. Ask him if he modelled his hair on Danny Zuko's from the movie "Grease"

2. When he dismisses you and doesn't answer, jump in front of him and start singing "Greased lightning" complete with the hand actions and dance moves.

3. Get Ulquiorra to join you.

4. Ask him why the hell he would sit around drinking tea whilst under attack and call him a "loonie"

5. Confide in him that you completely understand why he wants to assert his power and authority by creating the Espadas and that you know it all stems from his unrequited and undying love for his former Captain, Shinji Hirako. Proceed to ask him how much he wants to feel Shinji's flowing, flaxen locks brushing his face.

6. Ask him if that event has in fact already occurred!

7. Tell him that all that tea will stain his teeth and recommend a good dentist just in case.

8. Force him to tango with you.

9. Pull the loose hair on his forehead.

10. Keep pulling it until he asks you calmly to stop...when he does just continue, he loves it really!

11. Spill tea on his hand during one of his meetings.

12. Knit him a tea cosy in the shape of a chicken and present it to him at the end of the meeting.

13. Block the way to his bedroom hold your arms out and yell "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!"

**Gin:**

1. Tell him his smile makes him look like a rapist (also works on Nnoitra)

2. Ask if he's jealous of Szayel's PINK hair.

3. Say that Periwinkle purple hair is "Sooooo last century" and that he should try something bolder like Grimmjow's hair.

4. Lock him in a dark cupboard and don't let him out until he cries (you could be there a while!)

5. Pronounce his name like the alcoholic beverage (Gin and Tonic for example)

6. Force him to drink said alcoholic beverage until he is completely wasted.

7. Take advantage of the situation XD

8. Ask him if he harbours a crush on Luppi.

9. Lock him in a dark closet again but this time alongside Luppi. Don't let them out until they declare their love for eachother (This might not take as long actually!)

10. Spray Aizen's shaving cream in his hair then point and laugh.

**Stark:**

1. When he is about to sleep, offer to sing him a lullaby. After he accepts sing loudly but with a deadpan look "I KNOW A SONG THAT WILL GET ON YOUR NERVES, GET ON YOUR NERVES, GET ON YOUR NERVES!"

2. Fill his cushions with fur balls and blame it on Grimmjow.

3. Confess your undying love for him in the most serious but dramatic way possible. After he is convinced scream "APRIL FOOLS! HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS!" and skip merrily away.

4. Tell him he has beautiful eyes and that he shouldn't sleep all the time so he can show them off. After this seduction has brought him close to your face look horrified and say "Oh...I was mistaken they've got nothing on Ulquiorra's...never mind!"

5. Inform him solemnly that Wonderweiss has peed on his bed and enjoy the look of terror on his face.

6. Ask him in front of the entire Espada meeting what brand of sleeping pills he recommends.

7. Inform the said Espada meeting that he sleeps with a cuddly toy llama called "Sir Snuggles-Alot".

8. Dress him up in drag while he is asleep and film his reaction upon waking.

9. Constantly shudder and look on the verge of tears, when confronted explain that Stark was sleepwalking and raped you last night. (bonus points if it's Stark that asks)

10. Wake him up by blasting a chipmunked version of "God save the queen" through massive speakers on full volume.

**Baraggan:**

1. Call him an old fart.

2. Call him "King Baggy."

3. Dye his moustache purple and blame Nnoitra.

4. Tell him he looks like Watari from Death Note.

5. Place a crown on your head and walk around imitating an old man saying things like "Wuzzat? I didn't hear ya sonny" and "bloomin' wipper-snappers!"

6. Prod his scars and repeatedly ask him how he gained them.

7. Pull his nose and yell "Honk honk!"

8. Ask if he is Aizen's Grandfather.

9. Ask if the WANTS to be Aizen's Grandfather.

10. Dress him up as Santa Claus for Christmas (Feel free to dress everyone else up too as Santa's little helpers or even the 9 reindeer!)

**Harribel:**

1. Spray her in the face with Grimmjow's deodorant while yelling "It's for your own good woman!"

2. Force feed her chocolate pudding and tell her you got the idea from Ulquiorra.

3. Inform the entire Espada meeting that she is pregnant with Aaroniero's baby.

4. Tell her that the Espada have collectively decided that she needs breast-reduction surgery as they find her sickening to look at.

5. Make up a wild rumour that in her human life she was a preppy cheerleader who was murdered by her coach because she caused the human pyramid to collapse due to her...assets...

6. Tell her Nelliel called her a "snooty pig" and watch the cat-fight unfurl.

7. Ask her if she was in the movie "Legally Blonde"

8. Ask her if she played the dog.

9. Apologise in front of everyone for being so nasty to her...then burst out laughing.

10. Tell her to get back in the kitchen and make the tea for the Espada meeting since it's her job as a woman (bonus points if you're a woman too!)

**Ulquiorra:**

1. Call him Emo and sing the "Emo kid song"

2. Look around you as if making sure no one is near and tell him as innocently and sincerely as you can that his irises have run all down his cheeks.

3. Alternatively ask him if he has a bad case of conjunctivitis.

4. Steal his sandals during one of Aizens boring meetings then run around screaming "come and get 'em Goth boy!" (It will surely cheer everyone up)

5. Walk up to him while Grimmjow or Nnoitra is nearby, slap him and scream "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ARE IGNORING ME AFTER LASTNIGHT! I DIDN'T DO THOSE POSITIONS YOU WANTED TO BE TREATED LIKE THIS!" then storm off and yell "You're SO not topping next time". (Bonus points if Aizen is around at the same time)

6. Mimic every single action he makes, if he's not being entertaining enough which is likely then get Yammy to try and kiss him THEN copy his reaction.

7. Ask him if you can hold his Zanpakutō, when he refuses tickle him until he gives you it.

8. Ask if Aizen is any good *wink wink*

9. Tell Harribel he called her a whore and watch the fight break out between them.

10. Hand him a box of tissues, hug him and whisper in his ear "It's okay to cry Ulqui-chan...let it all out" when he moves to attack you for invading his space DO NOT LET GO!

11. Inform him you are the newly appointed deputy of Hueco Mundo and he now has to follow your every order.

**Nnoitra:**

1. Wake him up by jumping on his bed. Before he has the chance to kill you, ask if you can "spoon" with him.

2. If he refuses, eat ice cream seductively in front of him with a large spoon until he gives in.

3. Call him "Patch the Pirate" and speak with a pirate accent around him at all times. Better yet, salute him and say "Aye Aye Captain Nnoi-chan!" every time he speaks.

4. Steal his eye-patch and run around with it on yelling profanities, when confronted ask him innocently if he thought your impression of him was accurate.

5. Ask if the size of his weapon is overcompensating for something *wink wink*.

6. If you're still alive after number 5, spray yourself with insect repellent in front of him. When he questions this say "How else do I keep a perv-I mean praying-mantis away?"

7. Glomp him every time you see him and attempt to steal his bracelets

8. Tell Szayel that Nnoitra wants his body donated to research after his death; make sure Nnoitra hears you then run for your life.

9. Sedate him for the sole purpose of playing with his hair.

10. Sleep with him then afterwards tell him how much better Nelliel is in bed.

11. Alternatively sleep with him but during it scream "Nelliel!" instead of his name.

12...There is no number 12, after 11 you will most definitely be dead!

**Grimmjow:**

1. Ruffle his hair during a meeting and sing "I'm blue dabba-di dabba-di"

2. When he gets all angry about Ichigo, throw a pie in his face and blame it on Baraggan.

3. Kiss him passionately, Once he gets really into it pull away and look thoughtful. When he asks what's wrong smirk and say "Ulquiorra's right, he's a much better kisser than you"

4. Assuming you've lived past number 3, stuff his bed with kitty litter (Bonus points if you blame Ulquiorra)

5. Every time he speaks yell "Ooooohh Ca-TAY!"

6. Run towards him at a tremendous speed while he's facing away from you and leap through his hollow hole screaming "I'M A DOLPHIN!" (Bonus points if you get stuck halfway but start making dolphin noises XD)

7. Throw a bucket of ice cold water over him and when he asks what the hell that was for, look horrified and say "I...I thought cats loved water?"

8. Set him up on a blind date with Gin and film his insane reaction.

9. Call him "Kitty-chan" and replace his bedroom with cat toys, scratch-posts, catnip, mice and balls of yarn. Again film his immense reaction.

10. Attempt to seduce him in a Cat-woman outfit...during his battle with Ichigo. "RAWR!"

11. Get him to do the hokey cokey dance with you but just keep singing "you put your LEFT ARM in, you put your LEFT ARM out!" over and over until he storms off.

**Zommari:**

1. Comment that the ridges on his head make him look like a dinosaur!  
>Whistle the Jurassic Park theme whenever he enters the room (Bonus points if you stomp about making dinosaur noises complete with T-rex arms)<p>

2. Tell him he could look cute with dreadlocks.

3. Sneak up on him while he's meditating and clap really loudly next to his ear. Watch as he jumps out his skin then run off roaring like a dino all the way.

4. Say his "bling" makes him look like a Witch Doctor then sing the Witch Doctor song "Ooh-ee-ooh-ahh-ahh ting tang walla walla bing bang!"(You know the one!)

5. Steal his earrings overnight and watch the next day when Stark walks in with pierced ears and those skulls. Dive for cover as the fight ensues.

6. Laugh about his Resurrección claiming it makes him look like a cross between a Russian music box and a swollen fruit.

7. Try to communicate with him through interpretive dance.

8. Tell him he should hear red, "Red is your colour...it just is! Okay?"

9. Shoot him death glares all throughout the Espada meeting and when he confronts you and asks what your problem is burst into tears and say "you have such pretty eyes...IT'S NOT FAIR!"

10. Tell him he smells like doughnuts and complain that it's making your stomach rumble in the middle of the Espada meeting.

**Szayel:**

1. Pat him on the head and smile sweetly saying "its okay Szayel...real men like pink" proceed to ask him if that is his natural hair colour.

2. Beg him to "experiment" on you.

3. Steal his gloves and use them as hair ribbons.

4. Destroy his lab and fill it to the brim with Turkish delight (Bonus points for pink Turkish delight!)

5. Tell him you want a pregnancy test.

6. Tamper with the test so that it comes out positive and tell him he's the father. Enjoy the sight of him fainting.

7. Tell him he's not a REAL Espada, just a researcher.

8. Constantly pronounce his name wrong.

9. Wear a pair of glasses and a pink wig, repeat everything he says.

10. Stuff bananas in his sandals.

11. Wink at him and lick your lips while staring at him from across the table. Bask in his discomfort and watch him squirm in his seat.

**Aaroniero:**

1. Make fun of his various voices, for example "Oh that one sounded like Gollum!" "Hmm...That has to be Jack Sparrow!" "eeeeek that's Basil Brush! HA HA HA HA BOOM BOOM!" the crazier they are, the more irritated he'll get!

2. Imitate his voices by changing your own after every three words you speak (be creative, use different languages, accents, pitches and speeds.

3. Tell him he's a disgusting cannibal and that you're going to kick his ass.

4. Tell him he looks like a tikki head.

5. Ask him if he's a boy or a girl.

6. Ask him if he is in fact...a Dalek then scream "EXTERMINATE!"

7. Don't bother serving him tea during the Espada meetings claiming that goldfish shouldn't drink tea...instead place fish food in his cup and don't tell him.

8. Cry with fear every time he comes near you.

9. Stamp on his foot and say "Rukia is twice the girl you will ever be!"

10. Force him to do the robot dance with you.

11. "Are you the guy from the Wizard of Oz? Do you need the oil can?"

**Yammy:**

1. Call him fatty.

2. Tell him his teeth are freakishly large and that he should have dental work.

3. Chop off his ponytail and weave it into a scarf to give to Aizen for his birthday.

4. Talk to him like he is a dog...you know "Here boy! Heeere boy!" and "No! Bad dog! BAD DOG! Sit!...goooood doggy!" ^_^ *pets Yammy's head* Oh don't forget to throw bones at him too.

5. Say you understand that he harbours strong feelings for Ulquiorra but inform that everyone else does too, so he will have to wait his turn (shake your finger at him for effect)

6. When he tries to hit you for suggesting such a thing yell "Help me Ulqui-chan! Rape! RAAAPEE!"

7. Dress him up as Ganondorf from The Legend of Zelda and dress Tesla as Link. Watch in amusement as they fight to the death LOZ style.

8. Tell him that his orange eyebrows really scare you so would he be kind enough to look away...thanks.

9. Write him a love letter from Harribel and watch the reaction that unfolds between them.

10. Ask if he and Baraggan are BFFL's.

**All espadas:**

1. Force them all to have a dance off

2. Inform them that the prize is yourself

3. Ask them to share virginity stories

4. Pretend you are a different Espada each day

5. Knit plushies of them all

6. Force them to sing "Kumbaya My Lord" to Aizen

7. Announce your engagement to an Espada of your choice during a meeting. Make it so that they can't deny it (blackmail is a wonderful thing)

**And the number 1 way to annoy the Espadas?**

Set loose their fangirls in Hueco Mundo!

Tea anyone?


End file.
